This is democracy manifest.
Corruption has plagued our university for too long. In the beginning we were assured that we could speak to the managers. We were lied to. Instead we were apprehended against our will. Our dignity was shattered by the great skill the apprehender had in martial arts. They knew their Judo well.
I pledge to end this madness and crush this corruption from the top. I pledge to dissolve the union and donate my £30000 to charity. I also pledge to vastly improve the range and quality of Chinese food on campus. I will even try my hardest to ensure the food is free. No longer will we by charged for eating succulent Chinese meals.
Tata and farewell